That's a job for...me

In the past I have habitually been a worrier - will I have the money for this bill or that bill, what if this happens, what if that happens, what if this and that happen and then we are really fucked... I spent more time worrying about what someone else may do or say and how that may affect me and I have to say that, as I have grown older and, presumably wiser, I have called bullshit on that whole way of thinking and being.

Yes, I can prepare for the future by knowing I am in a 10-month position, I can save a certain amount of money each pay to ensure that my bills are paid during my 10 weeks without pay. I can plan meals for the week and even prepare them to aid my husband and I so we can spend as much of the scarce and valued time with our children as we possibly can and ensure that we are eating healthy and delicious foods. Oh, how easy it would be to simply run to KFC and buy them popcorn chicken but, ew...

My husband and I know, our time with our children is fleeting. I mean really, one day they are born and the next day they are 25 with one child and one on the way. That means, we want to spend as much time as we can simply focused on our kids - not on screens, not worrying about what tomorrow holds and not dreading what the next ridiculous notion some influence outside our home tries to throw at us.

Being mindful is a great way to cherish what is truly important in our lives. It gives us the opportunity to hold onto the people we are spending time with. When it is simply my husband and I, being mindful gives us the opportunity to grow our relationship, have fun and make memories as we communicate and adventure together.

 Lately, for me, I have also spent a lot of time focusing on me and who I am. Being a mom and wife sometimes takes away your sense of self; being mindful as often resulted in me finding areas where I need to embrace a change or stop resisting and let go of what is no longer serving me and is, essentially, holding me back. You see, I am a survivor of domestic abuse (from a previous relationship) and I am still healing from those experiences. Mindfulness has helped me choose the path I want to take with this journey - victim or survivor. When I am engaged in this manner, I am moving forward, thinking but what I need to do to keep progressing. When I dwell, I fall back and get stuck in that muck and filth.

I find many positives to this change in mindset that I am ever improving on and honing including much lower levels of stress and no more stinking thinking (or at least not as often because, hey, as much as some think I believe I am perfect, I totally am a mere human incapable of perfection and just doing my best along the path I create). Mindfulness helps me to stay focused on my diet and health and what I have deemed as beneficial for my body.  It has also helped me to put down my phone, stop the mindless scrolling through newsfeeds of useless memes and enjoy the company of the people who are with me, and to appreciate the beauty of the world around me.

Do you know what else I have personally found to lower stress levels in my life? Not giving a rat's ass what people think of me or how I choose to live my life. In this day and age of social  media and familial diversity and everyone being a life/health coach/expert, I have decided to simply live my life making choices that are best for me and my family. If that triggers someone's insecurities, mindsets or ideals, the onus there, my friends, is on them. I do not, and will not, continue to stress about saving everyone's feelings. If you are not paying my bills or directly in my circle, figure out how to deal with it yourself.

We can't put our happiness on others. Our happiness is our job. I do not depend on my husband to make me happy; he adds to my happiness. If I would like to go for a hike and he doesn't, I will gladly leave him to do whatever it is that he would like to do while I go for a lovely hike and enjoy some quite time of reflection and meditation, enjoying the scenery. If he does want to go with  me, then I enjoy conversing and laughing with my husband as we enjoy the scenery and exercise together. Pretty simple - happiness is an inside job. And ensuring that happens in my life is an on-going journey.